A Done Deal

Posted: August 19, 2011 in #fridayflash, Short stories

The word ‘Done!’ glared at her in royal blue spray paint across her designer floral wallpaper, covering the wall behind the headrest. The bed stood bare and the floor strewn with discarded laundry and shredded bed sheets. She fell to her knees and sobbed like a small child.

The house had been turned upside down and inside out.  She looked around the room from floor level and felt her insides join the tangled mess that lay before her.  Photos lay amongst the debris, whilst their once happily partnered frames lay strewn and smashed in chunks.

Getting to her feet like a newborn fawn, she held onto the wall to steady herself.  As she ventured back downstairs, she cautiously moved underwear from the middle of the staircase, with the toe of her shoe.  The garments had been clean once; a time where the underwear drawers were full of clean and perfectly folded piles. 

She felt the weight of the world pushing down on her shoulders, like a physical force field, hitting her between the shoulder blades.  She was numb from the neck down, her head working overtime like a hamster in its wheel, spinning around and around.  It was making her dizzy.

This was her home; their home; and now it had been demolished by a power she’d never encountered before.  Memories and mementos of their lives lay trampled and shattered, just like her heart.  The sofa they had chosen together last year, looked like a beloved old teddy, with its seams popping open and its fluffy insides expanding out into the room.

As she stepped down into the conservatory, her feet made a squelching sound.  Looking down at her feet there was easily two inches of water covering the entire floor.  The perpetrating hose pipe, dangled from the open window, like a sleepy snake, glugging water in to the room.

Her sodden plimsolls sunk back into the carpet of the living room, followed by the crunch underfoot of more broken crockery and glass. 

Blue spray paint dripped from the walls, with “Scum!” and “Enjoy!” being the focal feature over the fireplace, instead of her beloved antique mirror.  She’d rubbed it down after finding it at a jumble sale and had given it three coats of chrome coloured paint, lovingly filling in the tiny details in each corner.

She made her way to the front door, from where she’d emerged minutes before.  She stepped out in the street, the sunlight slightly piercing her sight but she was too confused and astounded from the devastation she had just witnessed in her own home.

The rest of the street was quiet, and she could hear the breeze rustling the leaves of the neighbours tree.  She remembered the first time the two of them stood hand in hand on the doorstep; their doorstep; making excited plans for the future and toasting their new home together with a bottle of pink cider. 

She felt dislodged from her own body, a ghost who was just using her eyes as a temporary loan. She sat on the front door step and looked down at her hands, covered in blue spray paint.  A small smile quivered to one side of her face, “He deserves it, the cheating Bastard!”

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Comments
  1. Anne Michaud says:

    Revenge! I love this, how you play with us and our assumptions.

  2. Great Blog post. I am going to bookmark and read more often. I love the Blog template if you need any assistance customizing it let me know!

  3. I feel so awful for her. It sounds like she’s hurt herself as much as him–maybe more.

  4. techtigger says:

    nice little revenge story, though i’d say something’s broke inside of that lady. great characterization!

  5. adampb says:

    Nice twist at the end. Good misdirection.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  6. Chuck Allen says:

    Nice job of letting my imagination run wild before the reveal. A funny ending in a sad sort of way.

  7. antisocialbutterflie says:

    I was thinking natural disaster but you definitely flipped it back on me. Very nice

  8. xoxowords says:

    I really liked this little revenge story! Nice.

  9. Icy Sedgwick says:

    Can’t help thinking there were better ways for her to get revenge but I think she’ll certainly get her point across.

  10. I’m thinking she should have smashed up his pick-up truck instead, a la Carrie Underwood. But I bet she had fun!
    Nice fooling the reader, thinking she was the victim instead of the person who destroyed the house. Come to think of it, though, she was the victim and he deserved everything she dished out.

    • Ha! This was a really good idea. I had no idea it was going to be her. Well played 😉 And I loved how a small smile quivered to the side of her face….as if he had unleashed her mad side.

  11. Emilia_Quill says:

    I though that she’d been robbed and hit by a natural disaster, which would have been unlikely. Good ending, I didn’t see that coming. I think she should have extracted revenge by moving on, the police will likely visit her.

  12. alisonwells says:

    Aha! I should have guessed but I didn’t!.You have a great storytelling ability, you paint a picture of a scene that draws us in from the outset. I, at least felt in safe hands as I moved into the story. I love the way you fooled us by having her sob in front of her ruined designer wallpaper. When you said her home had been ‘demolished by a power she’d never encountered before’, for a moment I thought some supernatural element was going to introduced but I see why you chose those words now. It did throw me off a bit at the time though. Also describing the sofa as a beloved old teddy confused me a little. All in all though a great read!

  13. Agh, almost guessed it this time! Early in I thought she was the culprit, but then I second guessed myself and thought maybe she’d hired someone to hit his residence and they got hers instead–assuming in that case a separate living arrangement related to the desire for revenge.
    Very well written. I absolutely loved the image of her mind overworking like a hamster in its wheel–because I think I know that exact feeling and it’s a combination of dizziness and sheer exhaustion. She was certainly thorough.

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