A Chase

Posted: April 19, 2012 in #fridayflash, Short stories

The trees looked like a huge mass of blurry green clouds as the car catapulted through the country lanes.

The faster he went, the more adrenaline surged through his body like an electric shock jolting all of his internal organs into overdrive.

He could hear police shouting and their cars accelerating behind him; the blue flashing lights and sirens only adding to the pace and the buzz he was experiencing.

Ray his associate screamed hysterically, directing his next move or turn, whilst gripping the parcel shelf in front of him. His knuckles were a florescent white from the lack of blood flowing to his fingers. He held on even tighter as they spun round another sharp bend. “Right, right, right!” Ray screamed with a smirk across his face, as he caught a glimpse of his companion spinning the steering wheel like a captain of a ship, veering away from an iceberg.

The back of the car clipped a curb and bounced enthusiastically to the middle of the road. The car stopped for a split second, before accelerating down the nearest side road as if it was on imaginary bungee ropes, going from zero to seventy miles per hour before they could blink. The police cars behind him all mimicked his actions, throwing each of them slightly off course.

Seeing a straight road ahead, Ray flung his head round to look through the rear window. More blue lights had joined the pursuit and their bright headlights flashing in unison with the rotating cobalt beams on the roofs of their cars, was a scene like no other.

“Jesus!” he exclaimed, “They’re all out tonight Boy!”

“They won’t catch me!” Steve screamed, spinning the wheel again, “I’m not called Speedy Steve for nothing me old china!” wiping another bead of sweat which hung reluctantly from his brow.

The sound of shrieking sirens rang through his ears, but to him it was like listening to an orchestra, in tune and almost therapeutic. This is what he lived for and the next quick move and sharp bend was his purpose in life.

As he veered around another bend, he could see a police car on either side of the road up ahead. This could only mean one thing. Stingers.

“Mate, avoid the stingers. The stingers Steve…” Ray grabbed the handle above his head with both hands. The police in front of them had already laid the trap and Steve tried to brake but was going too fast.

A piercing popping sound was heard four times over.

The chase had ended.

As Steve and Ray leapt from the car, now a deflated tin-can in the middle of the road, they ran towards another car in front of them. Also a victim to the stinger, the smell of burning rubber filled the air and steam, smoke and car fumes penetrated from where the wreckage lay.

Two boys, no older than fifteen, sprung from either side of the car. Steve pounced on the first, whilst Ray tripped the second.

With both boys on the ground, hands behind their backs, they were cuffed.

“Another days work well done” Steve said as his colleagues in the other police cars began to pull up around him.

“Not sure about our old girl though,” Ray said glaring over at their exhausted looking police vehicle, now much lower to the ground than she had been designed for.

“She deserved some new wheels after that anyway!” Steve sniggered.

  1. Now that was a fast and surprising twist! Well done I really really didn’t expect that. Great story.

    Just one small criticism in this line you repeat looking and it kinda jarred me. “Ray said looking over at their exhausted looking police vehicle,” It might read better if you left out the second looking. Just a suggestion ^_^

  2. John Wiswell says:

    Neat chase, Haze! You hit your pace early and revisited it well throughout.

    One critical point: in para1, and in all cases like it, you don’t need the comma. The description took a while and so you might intuit the need, but it’s all description of a concurrent thing/action, so you just go straight to “as.” Hope that comes across as helpful, not condescending…

    • brainhaze says:

      Thanks John glad the pace and speed came across so well. And commas are an ongoing battle with me, but not condescending at all. All feedback is gratefully received.

  3. marc nash says:

    Set a pair of boy racers to catch another pair of boy racers. Didn’t see the switch coming, so props to you for that.

  4. gailaldwin says:

    Vivid description – quite a relief that no-one was killed.

  5. This made me smile! Nice job with the twist. 🙂

  6. Steve Green says:

    Ah, a nicely written and exciting bit of misdirection, well done. 🙂

    Joy riders… not my favourite species at all.

  7. ganymeder says:

    Nice chase scene with a bit of a twist! Reminded me of Dukes of Hazard…hehe

  8. Derek McPhee says:

    It’s not a bad read, a little something that you’d read on a train or something (like I did this morning going to work, I’d rather be joyriding). Overall I had fun with it, sorry to say that it took me to the end to realize that it could have been the kids, and not the police. There was so much focus on the “chase” but none on the “escape” I was with the officers the whole time.

    – If I had to make a criticism, it would have to be that it’s a little adjective heavy in my opinion. In general there are a lot of metaphors and similes with the adjectives that, for me, kinda took me out of it. “fluorescent white” knuckles for example was a little jarring. “bone white” feels more natural an expression especially because you go on to explain again by saying the the “lack of blood…”, probably not needed.

    Good work, keep up the reading.

  9. You captured the thrill of the chase really well, here, but I’m afraid I felt cheated by the twist. You might like tricking your reader but do you think your reader likes being tricked? Does the twist improve the story at all? I have a feeling this would work better if we knew from the start that they were coppers. Also – I’d reign in the adverbs – the bead of sweat hanging ‘reluctantly’ pulled me out of the story.

  10. Great adrenalin rush of a story with a clever twist. Nothing clunked when I read it.. just an enjoyable read.

    We’re always up against the clock with fridayflashes and I often feel I need more time to edit.. Sometimes I just sit on my hands and let the thing cool for a while .. I might not bother posting for a week or so.. then come back with the razor, scissors or sledgehammer depending on how I feel about it..beware adjectives and adverbs.. here I come..
    Good one!

  11. Icy Sedgwick says:

    Clever twist but I think I agree with Louise in this case – I don’t think you actually needed the twist this time around. The chase itself was the story and it worked fine in isolation. Also beware of the adverb!

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