A Wife Swap

Posted: April 4, 2013 in #fridayflash, Short stories

It didn’t matter that they were friends, there was no way he was going to sleep with his wife for him.

“C’ommon mate.  I’d do it for you!”

“Erm, difference is ‘mate’, I’m not asking you to sleep with my wife.  Nor would I!” Jon slid his mug across the table.  He put his head in his hands in disbelief and looked up at his best friend.  “Twenty-three years.  Twenty-three.  We’re more like brothers than best mates.  You’ve asked me to do some bloody stupid stuff in your time Alan, but this,” he paused to let out a horse-noise-type sigh, “this is just ridiculous!”

“I’m asking you because of those twenty-three years mate.  You know me better than anyone.  You can tell me whether it’s me or not.”

“I am not sleeping with your wife, for a test, for a bet, or to prove your male ego.  This is just too much.” Jon picked up his coat from the back of the chair as he stood.  He couldn’t even bring himself to look Alan in the eye.  “I’ll catch you later!”

*   *   *

The words ‘Alan calling’, flashed on Jon’s phone as it jumped frantically on the kitchen worktop.

“Why aren’t you answering that?” Molly asked as she stirred the evening meal in the saucepan.

“No reason.  Just can’t be bothered”.

Molly raised a quizzical eyebrow.

Jon thought on his feet, knowing that a more in-depth explanation was required, “He wants my help with something and can’t take no for an answer.  You know what he’s like,” he smiled reassuringly at his wife.

“DADDY…” the pitter patter of tiny feet could be heard charging down the stairs.  “Daddy, can we play a game before bed? Or read a book? Or…” Daisy and Lucas began ranting various activities they’d like to do before their dinner and bed.

“Now, now, now my little munchkins,” Jon bent down and scooped one up in each arm, “dinner is nearly ready.  Once we’ve eaten we’ll play a game of cards, then a story before bed.”

The children cheered.

*   *   *

After they’d eaten, the children had chosen a card game called Happy Families.  Each of them busily tried to collect different cards, containing various family members, from one another. There was a doctor’s family, a teacher’s family, a greengrocer’s family, the list was endless.  But each family had four members.

“Dad have you got a Mummy policeman?” Lucas asked.

“Sorry not at home,” John smirked, “and she’d be called a policewoman or officer”.

Lucas laughed.

“These families are like ours, aren’t they Daddy?” Daisy asked, “Each family has a Mummy, a Daddy, a Lucas and a Daisy”.

“Yeah, I suppose they are,” Jon smiled.

“Perfect family,” Molly said winking as she put a plate of cookies on the table and two tumblers of milk.

“But not all families need a son and a daughter” Jon suggested to his children.

“Of course they do Daddy,” Daisy said shocked at her father’s ignorance.

“How can a family, be a family, without kids?” Lucas asked.

“Well,” Jon stumbled on his words, “me and mummy were a family before we had you two scamps!”

“No Jon, we were a couple.  Now we’re a family!” Molly smiled, lifting Daisy onto her lap and helping her sort through her cards.

“Full house!” Lucas shouted, beaming from ear to ear, “Five perfect families.” Lucas laid his cards on the table as he sipped from his milk and grabbed a cookie.

“And you know what perfect children do,” Jon smirked, “They go and brush their teeth and get into bed, ready for their bedtime story, without complaints!”

The children sighed but finished their cookies and went upstairs.

Jon reached for his phone as it began to buzz again.

“Hi Al.  Yes I have been ignoring you.  But I will help you.  I will help you and Karen to get the perfect family.  But we’ll do it properly.  Doctors and PROPER procedures.  Not the method you were suggesting, you gibbon!!!” Jon laughed.

Molly raised both eyebrows.  Jon was going to have to explain this one in much more detail.

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Comments
  1. Larry Kollar says:

    A sordid story turned sweet—wonderful twist!

  2. Icy Sedgwick says:

    Aww! I wasn’t sure where this was going but I’m glad Jon decided against throwing his family away to help a friend.

  3. John Wiswell says:

    I’m really happy to read a positive twist for once, or at least a cute one! This was neat, Haze. I’m glad to have you back in the #fridayflash stable.

  4. Sonia Lal says:

    I wasn’t sure where this was going but it turned out sweet!

  5. What a nice ending! I’m glad Jon had the common sense that Al didn’t appear to have.

  6. […] A Wife Swap by brainhazs ~ @brainhazewp ~ Between 500 and 1000 words ~ Slice of Life […]

  7. ganymeder says:

    Glad they opted for the more scientific approach!

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