A Cosmetic Clash

Posted: May 31, 2013 in #fridayflash, Short stories

He could feel the hairs on the back on his neck prickle with unease.

He wanted to rip of his shirt and flex his muscles to prove his masculinity. His bachelor pad of leather and chrome fixtures and finishing’s; cream carpets and polished wooden surfaces, were being invaded.

He remembered his toy fort as a child, plastic soldiers and small wooden canons strategically placed. He would spend hours getting the scenes just right, only to come home from school to find one of his three sisters had not only moved things but completely sabotaged his military operations. Half of his soldiers were married to various blonde dolls, some even had children. Whilst others were living amongst colourful ponies named Applejack and Cotton-Candy.

The feeling of lack of control and male castration automatically hit him again, like an imaginary canon ball he had just fired in frustration. There it was just like the dolls and ponies. Not just a vanity case, but the former contents of the case were sprawled across the carpet. Luckily the lids of the lipsticks and nail varnishes had remained tightly fastened.
“Yasmin”, he called calmly, but with a terrified squeak at the back of his throat. “Yasmin, your stuff! Your make-up stuff.  It’s all over the living room floor. These are pure wool carpets you know.”

“Calm down Russ.  I’ll tidy it in a minute,” with no rush, or more frustratingly no remorse in her voice.

He swooped down and scooped the various powders, paints and varnishes up into the casket where they had once resided.  He began to question whether he had a form of OCD, starring momentarily at the make-up and having the urge to arrange it tidily in the case.  Instead he shut the lid in annoyance and put it on the stairs with the rest of Yasmin’s belongings.

He sat on the sofa and began to flick through the newspaper.

Yasmin walked into the living room looking a little disgruntled.  “Why are all my things on the stairs?” she asked.

“Because I cannot cope with the constant mess Yaz.  You knew when we first got together that I can be very particular.  I like things a certain way.  And messy or untidy is not a way I am comfortable with.”

“I’m sorry,” she smiled soothingly and flopped down on the sofa next to him, putting an arm around his muscular shoulders.  “I’ll be tidier.”

Russell instantly mellowed.  “I’m sorry,” he smiled.  I’ll clear out one of the bedside cabinets for you to use.  Wow that’s totally cliché isn’t it?” he sniggered.

“Totally,” she giggled back, “But thanks I appreciate it,” and with that she planted a kiss on his flushed cheek.

He looked at her and held her hand.  “I guess it’s just ‘change’ and I’m not great with an invasion of my space.  Blame my sisters.”

“That’s fine,” she smiled.

“My mates warned me about girl’s moving in and leaving their stuff lying around.  Jim said it usually starts with just a toothbrush.  He reckons that a second toothbrush in your bathroom is a definite sign that you’re in a relationship; or attached to a ball and chain as he put it.”

“Now that’s a cliché too,” Yasmin said raising an eyebrow.

“Come to think of it,” Russell looked puzzled, “I haven’t seen your toothbrush.  Or have you hidden it from view in case I lost my mind,” he laughed as he made a funny face.

“Oh no”, Yasmin smiled sweetly; “I haven’t got around to bringing mine here.  I’ve just been using yours!”

Russell froze, unable to speak, move or even exhale.

He could feel the hairs on the back on his neck prickle with unease.

  1. Larry Kollar says:

    I started laughing when I got to the end! Such a great punch line!

  2. E.J Hobbs says:

    Nice one!…Love the end…Haha

  3. toy forts have narrow embrasure windows for shooting arrows out of. This guy is pretty armoured & fortified to keep out other human beings. He blames it on his OCD neuroses, I think he’s deceiving himself. He needs to let other human beings, including his girlfriend, in

  4. John Wiswell says:

    Like learning your wife uses your toothbrush on the toilet. Makes me glad I’m single and solitary!

    A couple typos –
    Para2 – “finishing’s” should be “finishings”
    Para3 – “canons” should be “cannons”

  5. […] A Cosmetic Clash by Brainhaze ~ @brainhazewp ~ Between 500 and 1000 words ~ Slice of Life […]

  6. Brinda says:

    I can feel Russel’s pain – I marvel at how my little boy can whoosh through his room making a huge mess in just five seconds, Russel may be OCD but anyone would be grossed out about unknowingly sharing a toothbrush 🙂

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